have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
