So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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