He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
