I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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