so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He has the fingertips of a God
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
