Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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