Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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