I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
