Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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