it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and she was petting her beer can
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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