Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
