thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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