They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
