got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize