thus making me awesome and them whores
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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