On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
