come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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