whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
