I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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