Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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