Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
