I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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