I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
