You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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