That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
