Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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