I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
