I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize