Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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