So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
