We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
