i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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