I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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