Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
