How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
