Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
that may or may not have been my penis.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize