I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize
