I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
