I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm always down for nudity.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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