drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
