i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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