what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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