It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
