I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
