That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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