I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
