Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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