my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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