You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
