she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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