1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this boner is exhausting
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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