I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
