he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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