then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
