google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
