I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
