I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
