I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
