Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
