Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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