Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
