i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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