I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
