is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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