I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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