i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize