I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
