I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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