I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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