You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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