end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
