I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
