I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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