I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
