Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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