this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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