I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
