after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize