How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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