So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
