I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
