I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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