did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
