Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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