i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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