Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
