you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
