Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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