I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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