At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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