idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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