She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize