so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
