well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
