I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
