help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize