you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
