I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize