I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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