I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
