I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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