Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
