Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
