i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
