better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
